I don't know how this feeling came about or when it started to develop. I don't know if its the common sense that Ryan was trying to teach me or if I just got fed up with alot of things. But these same mistakes that I kept making all of the time, are finally starting to wear me down and I can't deal with them any more. I have to keep myself out of these situations.
Like how breaking up hurts, or having sex with random guys hurts. Deep. This is the one part the sexual revolution forgot to mention. It hurts to have sex and forget about them. But you never do. And I realized the other day how this shit affects my life. How having sex with friends or before I'm ready makes things more complicated. I'm not the type of girl that can just turn this stuff off or turn my feelings off.
I'm also making a vow to myself to never be that girl. The one that guys keep around when they want something or are bored... Thats embarrassing and I never want to be that girl. I can never do that. I respect myself more than that.
But the hardest part of all is accepting that something that you hoped for will never happen, and that people will lie and try their hardest to convince you otherwise. Thats what hardest with Drew, but I have a new life to get back to that I can start to myself, no more bad. Its all going to be good.
