Its been about a week since my last post. But, alot has happened. I was into a guy, then doubting it then learned a really great lesson about men.
I left off last time with how I had been talking to a guy and pissed another girl off. Oops! But he was really into me so I decided that we could try dating, but there was a part of me that was like, "Um, I'm not sure about this." Then last night he told me that he just wanted to be friends. But he still kept kissing me, cuddling up to me, just being really sweet in ways that I assumed a guy would act if they wanted a relationship. So I asked some people about it. I got everything from "he's gay" to "he has a girl back home" to "he's young and just not ready for a relationship." All those I buy but the gay one.
Funny thing is that I thought that it was me and went over and over again in my mind what I did wrong. Then suddenly I realized that I wasn't wrong. I just thought that the relationship was a little more than it really was. His commitment wasn't there. What I didn't realize until tonight is that just because a guy likes you, doesn't mean that he wants to commit to you. That is a very interesting concept to understand. I always assumed that if you liked each other then you would date and if that went well you would marry and call it life... but I guess the other side to life is that men don't necessarily work that way.
Another important lesson that I learned is that I need to listen to that voice inside me. The one that says things that I don't necessarily WANT to hear, but NEED to hear. All those observations that I don't necessarily like, but have to live with. And those are things that I have to tell people in my life.
Someone that I talked to told me things that I had already thought of, but for some reason was unwilling to listen to myself, or for some reason didn't trust myself on. But I decided that I wasn't going to be upset about it, I 'm just going to move on and let it be a journey, not wallow in mud at a dissapointing destination.
I think that I'm well on my way to getting what I want, I just have to be honest with myself first (why do I struggle with this!?!?) and then honest with other people. The good news is that I'm getting better about being honest with myself; the reason that I 'm learning it so late in the game is that I never allowed myself to have those experiences when I was younger. And when I did and I made those mistakes, instead of fessing up to them or learning from them I had too much pride and blew it off. But now, I'm learning from them and learning some hard lessons, but the more I learn the better I'll be.
I also think that just when I thought I had life figured out, its got something else in store for me to learn, so I really just need to be flexible and go with the flow and try my best in every situation, but still have standards and principles that I live by. I'm getting this thing! One mistake at a time! But I'm getting there!!!!!
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