Being Single

I find it so ironic that, when I talk to a married couple, they love each other dearly, but there's always a warning when they say, "Live your life while your single." I understand that! I've seen that for years, but it also makes me shiver at the idea of marriage.


I'm at the point where I wonder if its even what I want. Do I want to deal with all these issues with relationships? Do I want to be tied down? Do I want to be elbows deep in baby poo while my husband sits and watches football? Uh, not really. There's so many things that I could be doing instead, like seeing the world or working on my career. I used to think this sounds lonely, because you can't cuddle up with a career on a cold night, but its also hard to live in the same house with someone that you don't love.

However, choosing eternal singleness is trading one set of problems for another. For example, being eternally single has its issues, but so does marriage. At least with being single I don't have to worry about legal issues, financial issues, etc. I can just up and go as I please. That really sounds like the best option to me. No one but God and myself to be accountable to.

Even my parents, who love each other, still urge me to continue to live my life and wait for the right guy. In their own voices I hear something that I can't quite put into words, but it resembles a haunting tone of regret, like there was something about their marriage that was maybe too soon or not satisfying. I'm not sure, but the haunting tone is there.

And marriage has never appealed to me anyhow. Sure I used to think about falling in love, but it was really more of the initial phases, and I would play with my Barbies about falling in love, but very rarely was marriage involved. I might've had a few weddings in my childhood escapades, but it was usually rushed so that I could get to the good stuff, like the adventure, him saving her, etc. But that was just childhood escapades. There was no abuse, name calling, mean words, arguing, one person giving up everything for the other, control freakish husbands who's wives had to get on blood pressure medication just to survive!

I don't know how this relationship thing with me will pan out, but I'm at a point where I can either take it or leave it, depending on the circumstances and the guy. I really like being single; its calm, its nice, its less stress, I'm my own boss. Its a lot better than being in a relationship.