I've mentioned on multiple occasions that I still fantasize and hope that one day, Ryan and I will get back together. But strangely, what is that saying about me if we do? That its ok to treat me like shit? That its ok to do the things that were done.
At first I was pretty hard on myself when I caught myself thinking this, but then I realized that when really love someone, REALLY love someone, how do you go on to be friends? How do you go on to treat them like shit? Isn't it natural to hope that maybe some part of them, deep inside wants to make it work. That maybe somewhere in the horrible world of lies, deceit, and broken hearts there's a chance for something good to come of it?
I'm slowly teaching myself that fantasies don't exist. Fairy tales don't come true and the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows. Its so hard today to wake up to what the world is, especially the flier world. Divorce and breakups run rampant.... yet the mission goes on.
All I can do is pray. Pray for a good Christian man; there has to be a good one out there somewhere... maybe? I had thought that Ryan was a good man, but I was sorely mistaken. Ugh, the search goes on.
No comments:
Post a Comment