Dear Daddy

I found out about a week before father's day that my biological father has cancer. I didn't call him, instead I called my Aunt Carolyn to find out what was going on. I didn't know this, but I found out that my aunt has always been on my side, and I think that his girlfriend has too. My aunt mentioned how my dad's lack of interest in me confound them both, but that they keep quiet because it causes problems. Anyway, she explained that he had stage 3 cancer and that he was beginning chemo. She also mentioned that she would tell him that I called to check up on him.

So I called back today to find out how he was doing. Apparently he's begun treatment and is doing fine. Then she gave me his number and said to call him. So I called his girlfriend's cell phone and talked to him. It was strange because he cared about talking to me, because, in the past he's hung up on me or gone off on me. He was pretty calm and asked how I was doing, made sure that what I was doing wasn't dangerous. Then he said that he hadn't heard from me in a while...And it made me wonder, am I supposed to call him every now and then to check in? Is it my responsibility to maintain a relationship? FYI, this is the man who never showed up at my high school graduation, hung up on me in fact when I invited him, had never made any effort to be a father.

I also considered if maybe my mom, who has told me so many stories about my dad, was actually one of those psycho mothers who lies to their kids to make them hate their dads. It wouldn't surprise me. But there's only one way to find out. I'm not the kind person to just sit back and idly let things slip from my grasp; this being one of them.

The mystery of my dad is the biggest mystery of my life. While I love Don Preston as a father (I honestly believe that he loves me more than any man on Earth ever has), I still need questions about my genetic father answered. What characteristics do I have? My mother's often told me that I do some things to remind her of him. What is my family like? Where do I come from? Its like a part of me is unknown because my mother's side is the only thing that I've known. I know the good and the bad, but still I want to know my father's side better.

So, I think that I'll call my dad once a month, maybe on his birthday (side note, I'm going to start talking confidently with him, in general in fact). Then in a year, if he's up to it, I'll go visit. I need to get down to the mystery of who this man is because I need to know who I am. Or at least understand him so that I can make a lot of things make sense.

I want to conclude with kudos to my Aunt Carolyn for standing up for me. I never really knew that people could have my back, that it was worth having. So thank you Aunt Carolyn for loving me!