Tonight I was downloading some music such as S&M by Rihanna, Bottoms Up and others. It reminded me of those days when I used to go out, get wasted and go home with someone. Then I think about what my life has resorted to... I'm 24, sober, sitting in my hotel room, and I haven't been laid in 3 months. While I want to go out and be wild and have the time of my life...that can't happen. While I don't have kids or a husband, I do have responsibilities, such as work and a reputation.
In the middle of thinking how boring this is, I realized that there's work to do, school to accomplish. I can't dress like a ho, or act like one. How would that affect how people see me? I'm already trying to rebuild a trashed reputation; I just have to push forward. But I really do want to go out. I want to go dance and bump and grind.
Like that time Kali and I wanted to have sex so bad, but we decided to go to the club instead. We got so smashed and danced all night long. It was the best time ever. I miss those days, of just pure self indulgence. And while I realize that stuff's not realistic, its so FUN!
But now I'm back to my boring life. One day I will get to go out and party, but not now. I just want to go dance to some music and shake it.
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