Grudges, Vulnerability, and Expectations

Lately, I've noticed that a few people have deleted me from Facebook. At first it bothered me, then I got to thinking, what do all these people have in common. The first thing that came to mind is that they have a grudges with a group that I belong to. My first roommate always had some sort of drama going on with other girls. Ryan always had a problem with girlfriends. Trina always had a problem getting along with other girls. Catherine, she was always complaining about the religious people and the Republicans. And TSgt Green? He just seems like a tool. His attitude and the people he hangs out with just make him seem like a douche. What downers.

So, anyone who has a problem with a people group that I'm in, such as girlfriend, girl, military girls, etc, I'm moving on. I'm not paying attention. I don't like people that always have something against something of my group. From now on I'm taking care of my own career, my own life, my own whatever. I'm not worrying about other people outside my sphere of responsibility.

Last night my books from Amazon arrived and I started reading them. The first one is a book called, "He's just not that into you." Its really more of a day by day book of quotations, which is really interesting. Yesterday's said, "If a sane guy likes you, he will talk to you. If he's not sane, why would you want him anyway?" The one for today was, " I used to think that other people were the ones who were all mixed up, but I realized that I was the one who was all mixed up."

I think that just doing what I've been doing is the best thing, focusing on my career and not worrying about other people, but I do need to start getting out and applying some of this stuff that I've been learning. Learning without application is useless.

But it does bring up another point that I need to address. I have a hard time being vulnerable to people, being open to people. Sharing that side of me. But the thing that's gay is that I don't really like sharing myself with others. But there are some people who are easy to talk to. I think that those are the ones that I need to share myself with. But I think too, there are people that are good people that I need to look out for to befriend.

Last point. Expectation. I really liked this book so far because the author pretty much described me to a T. This chapter she mentions how when she was younger (25, almost my age) she was very flaky and couldn't be expected to be committed. She didn't even understand the dynamics of a relationship, just that she had put alot of expectations into her husband. Put the expectation for her happiness, her everything into one person and perhaps had put too much expectation on this person.

Another thing that caught my eye was that she said she wants to be a better person, which is definitely something that I need to strive to work for. Honest, loyal, etc. God this stuff seems like alot of work.