Something new!

A few days ago, one of the ground girls had to go home on emergency leave and I took over her job. I won't be a flying for a while, but its a nice change of scenery. But something awesome happened. I feel like I'm more social with alot of people. Its ironic because in the last few days there's been a few people say, "I want to be officers because I get along a lot better with officers." I have thinking about this myself for a while now, but I didn't think of it that way, simply, "I hope it doesn't come off as me trying to fraternize or being buddy buddy with the higher ups!"


But I've had someone tell me that I would make a great officer, I just need to get there. I need to get a plan to start my commission, which means that I need to work on my career as much as possible. SMS Palmer is helping me with that by letting me do this ground work and I'm beginning to understand the big picture of how this aircraft works.

I'm really impressed though by how I've been. I used to think that I was boring or lame because I wasn't funny or exciting or bitchy, but I think that now, I'm just comfortable being me. I like me. I  like chilling with me. I like who I am; sometimes it may feel a little awkward being quiet, but I really think that in the long run, people just want people who are good.

I want to be a good person, not just on pretense, but no strings attached and it makes me feel good. Additionally, I like being nice and sociable. I often look back and wonder about who I used to be in the past. A lesson that I've learned and take with me to heart is that I don't need certain types of people in my life: those who criticize me, those who belittle me, or those who don't take interest in my needs. When I was with Ryan I would get so mad at him for calling me out on all my flaws, to the point where I would even act stupid just because I was so mad. I don't ever want to do that again.

I don't want to be with someone who is like him. I would rather be single and alone, but happy like I am now, than with someone who makes me miserable. I'm not waiting for anyone anymore. I'm making my own decisions and if a guy can put me and a relationship before him and make those his priorities, fine. But I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs waiting to make a date about my future. I've wasted too much time already. 5 months in a bad relationship is way too long in the first place. That's way too much time that I've wasted. Time that I can never get back.

But rather than look at him as my ex, I do look at him as a role model because he was very smart in his work and social skills. And while I might not love him, I can't deny that he is a great example to follow. The positive side to our breakup is that there's an abundance of information that I can take from it, not only from what kind of person that I don't want, but what kind of person I want to be. There's alot of good stuff there. I know that its going to work out really well in the end... because it already is.