Shut up and listen.

I'm sitting here late at night. I just finished studying and I'm thinking about my life. I'm thinking about patterns that keep reoccurring with different people. Some may think that I'm being too hard on myself, but I think that every now and then, there's a point in your life where you have to look at yourself honestly and say, "If I keep having the same problems, maybe the problem isn't other people. Its me." Its like that song "Margaritaville." You can only blame a woman so many times until you figure out that its your own damn fault.

And I've been thinking about the things that I mentioned in earlier posts. Locus of control, being myself, excelling in all I do; however, they seem like a million miles away at this moment.

The issue is that I really need to change my dealings with people. My current philosophy on interaction is just rushing headlong into it before I get to know people, or I want people know what I have to say, as if they somehow think that its important. One thing that I have realized, is that most people think that they are the most important.

I've narrowed it down to three types of people so far: there are those who legitimately care about what you have to say and care about who you are and interested in sharing themselves. We'll call them socially evolved. Then there are those who like to talk about themselves and never really ask you about yourself. I've found you just have to say what you want to say about yourself. We'll call them confident. And then there's those people who ask about you and pretend to listen, but you can tell that they're really just in their own world; we'll call them selfish.

I keep mentioning this management class that I'm taking. And I'm learning alot. Its easy to read (when its not talking about strategic plans, long term planning and bureaucracy!), especially when I'm really paying attention. While I was talking to my roommate tonight, I got to thinking, "What I just shut up and let people talk? Its like reading this book and I find out so much about them. Ask occasional questions to stimulate conversation."

I personally think that people can listen like that are mysterious, almost wise. They seem down to earth and calm. Additionally, it gives me the time that I need to process who they are, what their values are, their IQ, etc. So, I really just need to shut up and listen.

And also, I need to turn off that "Bubble gum" approach where I decide I like someone jump right in with them. Slow things down, take time. But I also think that the more that I begin to trust myself in a social environment, The more confident I'll get. So I think that it will work out. I'm going to be ok.