Marriage as the most basic unit is also the most stressful and vulnerable position humans can be in. I want to think that in my grandparents' day, it was somehow easier, somehow clearer cut, but it was just as confusing then as it is today.... except I think that people talk about it more today and there is actually help available.
Its ironic because as I grow older I begin to understand my grampa's words about courting my grandmother, and while I had thought that I would be in my gramma's position of being courted, I'm realizing that I will have to play a dual role. My grampa said that he courted my gramma to see if she would make a good wife, liked the same things as him, and made sure that they were compatible. But my gramma seemed like she had a passive role. She waited for him to call on her and she prayed that she would make a good wife to him. I have to do both of these myself. I have to make sure that a guy is what I want and am compatible with, while waiting for him to make the effort for him to pursue me.
I used to think that marriage was horrible for a woman and that we sacrificed so much for unthankful husbands and kids. But I think that its not just women that have a problem with marriage, its also men. Once I thought about it further, I realized that any institution like marriage that requires giving of oneself is stressful for all involved, not just one party. While it may see to me, a woman, that other women are miserable, especially when I've watched the stories of my aunt, mom and sister unfold, in their marriages, my guy friends tell me equally miserable stories of marriages. But I guess I never thought about if their husbands were happy in their marriages.
This is similar to my job in the military, being away so much requires a lot of adjustment and self-sacrifice, just having a boyfriend for two months of the deployment was difficult enough! But I have come to realize that instead of bearing children as my contribution to society, I am serving my country, which is just as stressful as raising children (thank God I'm not doing them together). I have no intention of being in a relationship soon, I guess that this is an acceptable trade off of motherhood. At least I have options, a career, and income.
While this may sound scary to some women, the thought of being tied down scares me. I've always seen those girls that get married early or have kids and I have lived my life opposite of that because being elbow deep in diaper and carrying around crying kids really bothered me. But I'm convinced now that if I were to get pregnant, I could be a good mother. I would do right by my kids and make the most of my life.
And that really is all life is. Making the most of what you have. I question and fret over mistakes that I've made, but I realize now that, while I can't get those years back, I can try to understand them and not repeat them. Additionally, I can live my life from day to day as much as possible, and try to give back some of what I've taken. I'm making my life better than before. Never again is my motto in life. My banner to keep me from repeating the past.
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